August 29, 2011

Introductions and the apocalypse

First off im really really bored in a town where there’s nothing but corn to the north and nothing but Kentucky to the south. All I have to do is computer related things and i hate my friends. everyone in Ohio is on drugs or stupid or hopefully lumberjacks. lumberjacks are awesome, what could be more manly than kicking ass all over nature?  I work at an amusement park where I have to listen to songs about banana phones and cater to insane people all day… If your going to an amusement park, leave your midget at home, I don’t need someone getting short with me because he didn’t win an 8 foot bean bag guitar. Theres my back story, so let’s get to something important…

Zombies: Ive been waiting more than a while for zombies to show up. I know it takes some time to eat lunch and go to the mall but foot locker closes at 9pm here. And if one more fucker asks me if I work at foot locker im gonna eat his brains and get this zombie thing started. Zombies need to get their shit together before something else comes along and apocalypses all over america and especially Georgia because I hate Georgia and those little quarter arcade games they have in every gas station. My guess, sex robots.

Sexrobots: Japan is already working on sex robots, which if you don’t know are robots you can have sex with since hookers are now frowned upon in modern society. Right now they cost a lot more than the five hundred dollars I make per pay check but im sure some pop up ads in the heat of the moment will happen. Pop-up blocker, get it? Since im sure japan has already learned its lesson about intelligent robots taking over, the sexbots are going to have to be remote-controlled. Back to hookers, only now there not hookers, there pilots. hell I would rather be a hookerbot pilot than some asshole handing out 8 foot bean bag guitars at a place that smells like hotsauce and 6 dollar beer. Sex is fun, herpes is not fun, the same applies with babys but you usually can’t see babys beforehand. So now we have everyone who would smash with a robot, or just a sex toy or a sandwich or a tree, smashing with a robot and an equal number of people using a robot to smash with people. Then when those people get paid, there gonna pay the other half to pilot the robots and smash with them. At this point the economy collapses since theres no point in buying a nice car if theres a sexy robot in the closet ready to go. This also means no more babys but that’s cool since i hate being pissed off and sticky, and lets admit that that’s all babys do for anyone. Christians and muslims will probably survive since Christians are all high and mighty, and even sexrobots know living in the desert is stupid. But they’ll kill each other off since god hates brown people, and freedom, and fags, and Georgia. So now its fifty years down the road and everyone is dead, except me since im immortal and will have nice things and an army of sex robots and ill eventually find a space shuttle. So good job japan, you just killed the world and sent an army of hookerbots to concur the galaxy.

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